Christmas Fallout

Tomorrow I will weigh in,

I will own the damage my lax weeks have caused.

Today I tracked on MFP for the first time in weeks and drank over Glasses of water.

I was defeated by the 1000 steps, but I will be back to conquer you soon, minus the nausea and light-headed episode...

This was my dinner..... For over 400 cal per serve I am reminded why I don't 'do' pre-packaged foods.

But it was Tasty as!

I am reminded why I need to be the best me. Christmas is a time for indulgence, family and festivities 

And I want plenty more with my beautiful family.

Today was the day I got up and started again, and I am proud :) 

Round 1....

So today this happened...

My email dinged and surly enough there is Mish staring at me from the screen.
It's safe to say that this 'going it alone' has been a fairly epic fail
I can make all the excuses in the world but obviously I still need the program, so today I've signed up for round 1.
It's a hard time of year, I get that,
But I deserve this, I deserve to be the healthiest version of myself
So with the silly season well in throw, I'm going to allow myself to enduldge, I have a dinner and movie date with the girls tonight ;)
I will use my brain on Christmas day and not be ashamed of what I eat but be in tune with what I feel and be joyful.
On my days of rest I will follow the previously printed MB plans
I will be healthy, I may have met my goals for this year... but I am still obese so still have work to do.

I will be doing C25K in the preseason... if it's going well then I will be doing the 10k program.
I'm not a runner, but I will be soon.

Merry Christmas,

Also I apologize for not reading blogs,
I'll be checking in with you all daily from now on xoxo

Quick one

Things have been a bit chaotic here,
Christmas has well and truly creeped up on me this year and my lack of organization is not normal.
We also suffered a tragic loss at Master 4's Kinder which meant alot of additional responsibilities needed to be picked up and given my cant say no habit I took a few additional things on.
Intimo is going well, it is far more busy and rewarding than I had anticipated and although things are slowing down now due to Christmas I'm still staying very busy which is very nice.
My kids are both well, even though last night they took a swim in some moster puddles during the kinder Christmas party. Turns out I am the parent to 'those kids' you know the ones that come home covered in mud when everyone else has muddy knee's and shoes. In saying that they are happy and that in turn makes me happy.... most of the time.
I've stopped smoking, it's not been easy but I'm very chuffed that it has happened. So I've not been weighing in as any weight gain is probably due to that and I will tackle it once I'm feeling free and clear of the cigarettes.
My diet has been ok, though my planning has been terrible. I can come up with a million reasons but really they are just excuses I failed to plan and am paying the price.

Life is good, even if a little chaotic

Special shout to Carol who has been checking up on me, love your work woman!

Adjustment Period

So I really want to get on here and say that I've been super great, doing my exercise and eating super clean, unfortunately that's not the case I'm taking longer to a just to my new adventures than I had anticipated.
So in the typical style I just took the excuse and ran with it.
Bummer right? Well today I have been doing some planning, Monday night someone said to me are you just busy or are you being productive?
Stopped me dead in my tracks
Sure we can all be busy but how much do we actually get done? I have been throwing that busy card around like no-ones business. Can't cook, too busy.... Can't exercise... to busy...
But what am I actually doing?
To be honest, not a whole lot....
So today that is all changing, I am using my diary to actually write out get it done lists, I am also meal planning, slotting in times for shopping, food prep and of course the million other commitments I have going on.
So being busy is no longer an excuse,
From today forwards I will be productive with my time,
Next week I will rectify my lack of exercise situation by seamlessly inserting into my days.
For this week I will be getting my nutrition back on the bandwagon and sorting out how much time I actually spend doing nothing and fill that time up with far more useful things.

On that note, I have children that are waiting to play hungry hungry hippo's
I'll be checking in again soon

Flying Check in

Weigh in day, and I forgot!
*facepalm*

Life is good, but busy
Trying to work out the balance between, social, work, family and exercise...

Eeekkk,
But don't worry,
I've got this!

And she is back again....

I was so unaware it had been so long, it honestly only felt like a week had passed from my last post. 

Master 4 in his mummy made elephant get-up

Miss Almost 2 is pretty evil, lucky she's cute too

So I suppose it's that age old habit of when you are doing the wrong thing you hide away. That's actually not true, I have been 'thinking about what I'm doing' but in saying that only doing the minimum to get it done. I've not been tracking, my exercise has dropped to around 2-3 times a week and work has been so intense that I have been in the dark place eating ice-cream and not allowing myself to look outside the box. 

This morning I had a bittersweet moment, It's the 26th of October, the day of my sisters 30th and the day before Miss1 turns 2. After getting up the wrong side of the bed and really half-assing my gym session it dawned on me,

Today is the day I was supposed to be doing the 10k stampede :(

Due to money issues I was never able to register, I continued to train but my running has been very lackluster, when crunch time came, I chose birthday presents over the stampede. Add in that I've recently started seeing a chiropractor to rectify my favor to the right side and I have had days where I'm also hurting in new and exciting ways. Also more money :(

I've been looking outside and the weather is perfect, I was so worried that It would be stinking hot, but it's cool with a light drizzle that comes and goes... Bummer.

So today can go one of two ways, I can wallow in poor me's or I can use it to get back up and go.

Guess which one I've chosen?

No more floating in the middle, I've been busily printing up meal plan's and organizing my 12wbt recipe files on the computer. Obviously next round will be a going it alone round but I'm putting away money to pay for round 1 next year. I will follow the meals plans of the past two rounds and get my nutrition back on track, When pre-season starts I will be signing up that day and throwing myself into the pre-season to smash it out. 

Exercise wise will be interesting for the next few months as I have completed my training and will be starting up as an Intimo consultant on the 1st of November. My primary workout time has been evenings so my organizational skills will need to be perfect to get the exercise in. I can do it, even though it seems hard at the moment before i know it I'll be in a new routine and it will kick ass. 

Exciting times ahead for me! 

Intimo will help me support my family without needing more childcare and at the moment that is what needed to happen. We have been living month to month for the past year and although we can make it work, it truly is the most stressful and depressing time I've ever had. We have had lots of invites to events and outings that we simply cannot afford and I've had enough, my kids deserve, swimming lessons, birthday parties and special trips to places which for the past year have not been able to happen. Although it is a little scary I'm confident that the choice will pay off.

I've finally decided that Master 4 will be doing another year of kinder as he is just too young to send off to school, I sent him for another transition day and he was in a class with children primarily 2 years older than him, how can I expect him to enjoy the experience if he's all ready on the back foot being so much younger than the peers I'm placing him with? 

So I feel better for making that choice, however with it has come the realization that we are in for another 12 months of a tight budget, but now I have a plan so I'm confident we can make it work. I also finally got approved for my transfer which should happen mid-way through November. 

Exciting times ahead! 

Size 12 normal, non 'large fit' happy day's 

Also a few little fistpumps to finish,

I remain below 80kg even though I've not been devout to the program,

I'm comfortably a size 12 top, give me a few weeks (or a few more kg) and I will also be a size 14 bottom which were my goals for Christmas this year.

I've made an appointment for hypnotherapy

I've also made an appointment to get my strength workouts formalized.

Things are looking up and although it's been a dark time, it doesn't have to stay this way.

The only place I have to go is up while the scales keep moving down 

xoxox

Absent

So I've been a little absent,

Things have been pretty intense around here, We've had some money trouble and some illness to content with. As well as school holidays!
Hot water system blew up last week,
D has had days cut back at work
I had a beautiful FFS Friday post all ready to go just no time to write it.
I've been off the rails as real life has been a little intense.

BUT

I'm back, and ready to rock it.
Come at me life, I'm ready for you with a smile
AND a kickass attitude

Bring it on!

Old Enemies Return

I've been in a strange kind of limbo these past few days.
I needed to make a formal complaint at work about some practice that I was unable to resolve on the floor which has really got me down. I pride myself in my ability to talk people around but it turns out that i have exhausted all of my options and the only one left was to push it up. In nursing when you have to do that it makes you feel like crap, these are your workmates and peers that your talking about which makes for some frosty times when working. It's got me down to say the least and as a result my elation at hitting my under 80 goal has been short lived.
On a positive note, I've been exercising daily, even managed the 1000 steps yesterday afternoon with my sister and her man in tow. I'm not sure if I've moaned about my sister before, she's one of 'those' people, you know the ones that eat garbage, do nothing and always look fantastic... yep... that's my sister. However as much as I talk the talk it honestly doesn't shit me as much as it used to, I think about this journey that I'm on and I realized that she never would be able to do this she is too shy and too much of a stress head.... plus she's doing her honors year for law. Don't envy her one bit!

I found earlier in the week I was half assing workouts, I'm not really sure why Wednesday I had a killer headache and did RPM regardless which in hindsight was a mistake. Also half assed zumba and a few gym sessions, I'm putting it down to stress from work but on closer examination...

I AM A SUGAR ADDICT

When did that happen?, somehow during my 4 weeks of non weighing huge amounts of sugar have wiggled back into my diet. A sneaky chocolate here, ice cream, coke, raspberry licorice, lollies.....
Every single day....
On looking at Tuesday, I think my headache was due to sugar withdrawal

How scary that it can happen so fast and I didn't even notice until I went back over MFP, I've always been an advocate of eat the things you love but really, I've be going at it like old times.... On Thursday I skipped lunch to eat a pack of oreo's
*face palm*
Also noticed my sleeping has been going to hell with the increase... last night I was up until 2am because I decided to have a mini binge at 9pm.... it was within my calories so it was ok...
*beats head against wall*

News Flash Michelle.... IT IS NOT OK!!!!
You cannot live the same way as you did or you will look the same way!
and feel the same way,
and act the same way.....
I deserve more than that!

In other news I DID NOT want to go to gym this morning,
I sooked and stamped my feet and attempted to hide and 'forget' about the time.
I snapped at my kids and D, I text my gym buddy, I even sooked about it on facebook
I ran out of excuses and I went anyway...
Now I love that I went and am feeling 120% better
and I didn't half ass my workout....

Looks like whatever brain fart had me out of action is on the mend and I'm planning to smash the rest of this week.
Bring it on,
I am ready for you!

Woohoo!

Objective archived, those are numbers below 80kg

And I couldn't be happier, 

I remember doing this before, losing and gaining the same kilo for weeks on end,

and it completely did my head in! 

No head games to report, no stress over the number and no guilt (or pride) about what went in my mouth.

I'm so pleased at the outcome even though my total loss for this round is 2.5kg (not the most impressive)

Still have 5 weeks to go and I'm so enthused to keep kicking it, maybe I can be under 75 for NYE? Almost double and a half my original goal! 

Thanks a billon for the support all here on Instagram and Facebook, couldn't have done it without you xoxo 

The day before weigh in

It's been an interesting experiment this past month, I've been so busy that I've neglected to blog as much as I would have liked. I'm attempting to get onto it today as I wan't to review and keep an open mind on the past month regardless of tomorrows result (or lack there of)

Pro's of one month not weighing in,
Stress about the number has been eliminated, harder at the start but now it's not there at all. I weigh what I weigh and the scale doesn't dictate if it's a good or bad day.
The emotional reaction has been removed, I'm not 'celebrating' or 'punishing' myself with food and exercise which I have done in the past depending on what the scale says.
More observant of non-scale victories, clothing is getting looser, some things don't fit at all (I had to throw out 3/4 of my underwear draw as my size 20 knickers do NOT fit... at all)
I'm more generally relaxed about what I am doing, 12wbt isn't feeling like a diet, just what I'm doing.
People ask me how much I've lost and I say about 15kg since Christmas. It's not a lie and it's much more liberating than spouting out the exact number.
Now I tend to say I've dropped 3 dress sizes rather than the 'number'

Con's of not weighing in...
Lack of accountability, though I track and weigh that number can indicate if you are doing the right thing for your body. I tend to be super clean and organized Sun, Mon, Tues.... lax Wednesday and Thursday (normally the treat meal happens here) and Fri and Sat I follow the plans but tend to not be as serious as the rest of the week. During the no weigh times I found myself running a fairly lax program from Wednesday til Monday.
Strangely I became very obsessed with the calorie burn from exercise and getting the most bang for my buck out of training sessions. I think this was a bi-product of being lax on the program more than a lack of weighing in but as it only happened now I'll call it as a weighing in thing.
Not knowing whats happening with the scales made me feel a little dead in the water in regards to what was working for my body. I find that if I smash out too much cardio my loss tends to stall a little, or If I overdo the sugar without the scale to dictate meant those habits went unchecked. I know I have eaten ALOT more sugar than normal over this past month and have not corrected it. As anal as it sounds I do look at my week on MFP and try and spot the trends that can effect why I've had a big loss or a non loss that week.

So in closing, it had been an interesting exercise, though one I should have held off for between rounds on when I was feeling a little more confident with the program, bad habits have re-surfaced but stress has been alleviated. Tomorrow will tell if it has been a success or not!

annoying

So I'm in a REALLY bad mood,

I've been attempting to make contact with someone... anyone from the membership department at my gym with little to no result.... I have a winter membership that I now would like to extend after 3 days of 'needing to check with someone, I'll get right back to you'
And hearing NOTHING.
*steam rising from ears*
Typical, just as I get into the swing of it I feel the need to leave it.

Also my Zumba instructor is stopping teaching at the end of November :(
I used to have a casual membership that I supplemented with running, swimming and zumba (even a circuit class) Hence the choice to join up full time.

So now I'm not sure what to do,
Do I commit to crossfit? which is a fair distance to travel, them suppliment with runs and occasional other instructors zumba classes?

Also looking at a local boxing, PT all rounder...

*head explodes*

Fistpump Friday

Been an up and down day,

In and out and running around like a mad woman.

Eating has been good, Dave is out for dinner so I ended up having french toast for dinner instead of leftover stir-fry as planned.

Winner especially for me who passionately hates stir fries 

Speech Path has recommended Master 4 start school next year (cue mummy losing her marbles!)

Every day I wake up with a new theory about what's better for my son next year, I was back on the second year at kinder bandwagon but now my brain is well stuffed

Miss 1 has had an ear infection and burst ear drum therefore miserable! poor love...

No drinks for me at all this week, even tonight when I'm home alone!

Got new tights and a singlet from Running Bare...
Singlet is too big...

Attempting to decide if I send the singlet back or attempt to alter it,
I'm now leaning towards sending it back

D has been going great guns and is dropping weight like no-ones business, he's dropped another pants size and is now SERIOUSLY desperate for new clothes.

MFP is my bestie again, I'm back on the tracking bandwagon.

Though in an effort to punish me my HRM clonked out during RMP which I was shattered about

While in the mode of trying stuff on, had a go at my Game of Thrones singlet...

And it fits....

                                                                     Hell's Yes!

Week 4 in review

So it's been an interesting week,

Indian Fish, delicious! 

My brain has been off with the fairies and I'm so tired that I don't really know what's going on. If I didn't know better I'd be weeing on sticks and waiting for a double line as the only other time I recall feeling this exhausted was when in the early days of expecting. I think with everything going on I have finally reached capacity and my body is telling me to do what it has for a long time,
Sleep
So much so that I'm making an appointment to see my GP, had planned for it tomorrow but I've needed to change it for Miss 1 as I think she's got a pretty intense ear infection going on. Poor bubba though she's still eating and can walk in a straight line so it cant be that bad can it?
I've not had the most Stella week, though I have indeed been tracking and moving I'm still not in the game so to speak, I've made some great choices through the week and some not so great ones. Still avoiding the take-away and the booze with great success but I've been allowing the evening snacking to get a little out of control again, it's all habits (and another thing I'd like to tackle at hypnotherapy) which unfortunately has been sidelined due to money.

Time to revisit my week 4 goals!
Change it up, do something different every day to 'normal' extra weights and swimming? Try a new class, figure it out and smash it.
Refocus of food goals (it was around week 5 in round 2 when I started to slack in the meal planning department)

I did do something different, I did cross fit!
It was hard, I though I was going to die. It was intimidating as the people were all SUPER fit but at the end I loved it, I felt strong and even though it was in a group, I felt as though I was in a PT session rather than a group training environment.... would I go back... hells YES!
As a ride through from that I'm also trying Bikram in the next few weeks I've found a studio that's not to far away and am keen as mustard to give it a crack. Two people I know have been trying there hands at it and seem to like it, that's enough for me to have a go at any rate.

Week 5 is the week of my 5 and 10k..... scared as I realized this morning I still cant run for a km....


Ohh milestones.... officially
Kg loss: 1.5
Cm loss: 12.5
Push ups: 3 more
Sit and reach: 2cm more!
Ab's: 15 seconds more
Wall sit: 11 seconds more
Time Trial: 13 seconds down

To my defense, I did two time trials the first was over my last time and I was easily distracted, spend my 'rest time' dicking about with my phone and being generally distracted, decided to go again and jogged for most of it though started feeling really ill, kept going but came straight home afterwards. Realized when I got home that I'd neglected to eat breakfast which never ends well with me so even though it's an improvement, I think I could do better, look out week 8 that time trial is going to get smashed!

Happy so far not weighing in, though it does make me less accountable, I will be doing the jeans instead of scales to try and keep me on board and focused.

Also I really want a thermomix, random but totally true!

A little Zumba comparison, red top was starting round 2 of 12wbt, second is during the week just gone, I see shape changes and shoulder blades... whoop! 

Sunday Night

So It's been a full on weekend, work has been insane but it certainly keeps me occupied, also gets me laughing at times when  didn't really feel like it. I'll spare you the nurse humor however I will tell a little story,
When I had Master 4 he spent from 2 months old till 7 months old at work with me, now let me tell you if you think animals are good for dementia care, you should see what happens with babies!
I was working twice a week and he would come, and spend his day at activity groups either on the floor or in his pram. I would see him for bottles and bum changes... after a while I didn't even see him for those as the other staff (and residents) would share him around and do whatever it took for a snuggle.
To this day, residents, family members and staff constantly ask how he is and ask for photo's which of course I'm happy to provide, and most are completely shocked that he may be heading off to school next year but it makes for a very nice family feel at work.
Also the comments are coming thick and fast about my weight loss, everyone seems to have noticed and it's really great for my moral!
Doesn't change the fact that I'm pretty wreaked from my 2 days shifts with tomorrow night looming on the horizon. On the way to work I have been fantasizing about running...
Car pulling out of driveway at 6am... by 10 past I'm thinking 'it's light enough, I can run in this.... gives me and hour and a half before D leaves for work.... wonder how far I could run in an hour'

WHO IS THIS PERSON?

So I made a decision on Wednesday that because of my issue with the scales, I wont be weighing in again until the 25th of September....
So far so good, I'm feeling really positive and focusing on my eating and getting back into routine with exercise, tomorrow I'm going to do strength at the gym.... then run Tuesday morning...

Wednesday I'm trying crossfit....

I know I don't really believe it either!

We have had some winner meals this week, tonight we had 'Brinner' or Breakfast for dinner.... (that's what I get for letting D choose)
Pancakes, with scrambled eggs, chorizo and spinach and it was delish!

Feeling strong and confident that I can smash this... can I hold it together for 24 days without the scales to keep me on track? I'm hoping that it's the kick I need to finally let go of what they say and just work towards being a healthier and fitter version of me.

Jeans

So I thought I'd do some pictures and take a look at those jeans that have been calling me from the wardrobe once again.
Now I've been putting this off and I am still a little stalled in the weight loss department. Also given I'm working ALL weekend (sorry D) so therefore missing fathers day festivities.

Every so often lately D has asked me to spend time at home with him instead of flying off too work, training, workout, zumba, run or anything else. It's a fair request, sometimes I feel like we are ships that pass in the night and I know this is starting to bother him.

I don't see his request as selfish, if you think about the past few days activities Wed: Spin class, Tuesday: Education (brief coffee when handing over kids) Monday: Working PM shift, Sunday Working AM shift, Saturday: split SSS session, plus groceries, pre-cooking, a birthday party which ended with me asleep on the couch at 8pm.

Poor D is feeling the crunch when it comes to being time poor and is feeling a little neglected, I don't blame him as I know I've felt like that before. I NEED to ensure we have time together also but I'm not sure on the logistics of how to make that happen. We have always been a couple that relaxed with movies, TV and chocolate but now we are both a little unsure of what to do. We do still watch the idiot box, but not like we used too, and certainly without the snacks or for the same time frame that was pre 12wbt. Very scary stuff when you realize all those things you used to love just don't fit your life anymore, it has left a gap that I'm still seeking the answer for how to fill.

Suggestions welcome! 

Anyhoo back to the jeans!

When the first attempt was made I was sitting at 83.3kg.....

Today's attempt at 80.5kg,
If these pictures show anything it's that the scales really don't show everything going on with your body, for the past 3 weeks I've been smashing out strength workouts at the gym and although the scales report a 2.8kg difference the fact that the jeans can now almost reach my hips shows we are changing regardless of what the scales say.

They remain insanely tight on the thighs and obviously wont do up as yet.
But they will do,
Sooner rather than later I hope :)

Roadblock

So I've been doing some thinking,
With all the stress and  external pressure this week I've missed something very important that needs to be addressed about this journey I'm on. The past few weeks my anxiety levels have been up and through the roof, I've been falling over when normally my resolve is strong. Sneaky foods here and there and the biggest thing of all... not tracking, I'm well dedicated to My Fitness Pal and tracking up until the past week has happened good or bad.

240 days today, yet barely anything entered for the past 3 days :( 

I had an education update on Palliative care last night that was catered. Overall I did well, weighed out the choices and had half a chicken and avocado sandwich, and half a egg and salad sandwich, they were much safer than the plates of hot pies and sausage rolls.... for anyone curious they also had sushi... I don't actually like sushi so couldn't tell you if it was good, bad or otherwise. They had biscuits and fresh fruit I ate the fruit, so on the way home I was starving, entertained a sneaky drive through but needed to stop at the supermarket for Vegemite and milk.
So I got choc chip cookies and some potato chips *face palm*
So what's going on?
Laying in bed last night thinking over some of the information from the session it suddenly occurred to me. In my adult life, I have never been under 80kg..... I have never worn a smaller pair of pants than a 15-16 or size 14 top. I have no idea what weight I finished school at, but I moved to sunny St Kilda and was unable to buy clothes from most of the chapel street boutiques, or If i did they were slightly to small (insert the beginnings of clothes hoarding).
My first dress for high school was also a 14, when I transferred schools it I was in a 16. At the time this never bothered me I just owned that I was bigger and went with it, hence the big personality. I still had a positive schooling experience and though was never sporty, was very active.
So what does this mean now?
I think somewhere deep in my subconscious I have a barricade up that is stopping me from dropping below that 80kg, because once that happens I will be in completely new territory. I have always been the happy fat girl so once the fat part is eliminated where does that leave me? The major part of me is still very unsure so I think it's grasping at anything to stay above the line so to speak. In saying that hitting 80 is still fat, for my height it's still obese....

So what the hell is my problem?
What is it about the magic number that I find so intimidating?

So this week I need to focus on tracking EVERYTHING and getting back my mojo on MFP.
I'm working all weekend so my SSS must be done in the next 3 days.
I need to break this barrier down and I'm hoping once my subconscious gets a glimpse of those scales under 70 whatever is stalling in my brain will be resolved.

Cheers to a better head space and being able drop out of the 80's in the near future,
A little snapshot history, Goodness some of these are confronting also massive lack of photographs in the middle times. If I find some I will add them in. I know they exist, I just have no idea where!

Year 8, unsure of year 1995 at a guess

Year 12, so year 2000,

2 weeks ago, 81kg

Christmas 2010, Prob around 110kg 

So Friday we meet again

Korean Omelette, tastiest thing I'd eaten in a long time! 

So I've been a little sidetracked, my focus has been elsewhere and I haven't been following the plan... or any plan once again my damage control motto was bought back out for a trial.
Speech path appointment went very well but unfortunately didn't help in making my choices for schools or specialists any easier.
I didn't eat badly, in fact I barely ate at all,
I have however drunk, a lot.

Today is a new day, my troubles are still around but wallowing in self pity and misery isn't doing me any favors. I'm on track and hibernating on Pajama Friday with the kids, and we did build a fort.

We have had porridge for breakfast and pancakes for lunch,
Great choices, not really but for a raining miserable day, winners.... pancakes are also good to have assistants help with my kitchen looks like a bomb's hit but I have 2 happy and contented kids who are slowly getting back into the habit of trying and sharing.

Budda baby

Master 4 

      





















Tonight we are having chicken patties, Master 4 is all set to help but I need to clean the kitchen first.... are we noticing a diversion tactic here?

So I have goals,
I'll go to gym tonight and do my weights session from yesterday,
I will stick to calories today,
no more booze!

Tomorrow will be a new day again and I will be back with guns blazing,
I will not wallow,
I will be strong,

I will win in the end.

As a side note I went to an Intimo party last night, and was fitted for a bra, I had my own party in January this year and 90% of the things I got are now too big, I was a solid 18 (almost 20) or a 40 in intimo sizing... got myself a little set in 32C.... 3 sizes down... no cup loss... Thank god, my poor boobs have never been spectacular but I will be truly heartbroken if they shrink all together!

Red Flag

Today I took my wonderful Master 4 to a transition day at the local primary school. This is a really sore point for me as he is young, I feel too young to be going to school, however  applying for a second funded year at kindergarten doesn't seem to be happening for us so despite my misgivings we are attending transition sessions, which to his credit he seems to be loving the hell out off.
He is not in a great way today, up at 4am and eating like it's going out of fashion, and it's real hunger not just boredom which can happen. He's attention span if not at it's best but there was minimal yelling required to get out of the door this morning.
After his hour long stint in the schools art room, I went to pick him up and the teacher asked me if I'd had him tested....
To say I was gobsmacked is an understatement, I simply answered with no he is young and hot footed out of there before I either lost my shit or burst into tears.
Apparently he wasn't listening and continued to want to do his own thing, went to the toilet about 4 times and just wouldn't focus. All this sounds like Master 4, especially on a bad day....
I feel terrible as I dropped him at kinder and ran.
Once home, I officially lost my shit,
What's wrong with my child? Anything? Surly this person is full of crap? Maybe they aren't, perhaps I'm in denial, Should I get him tested?, Am I bad parent?, Is he young and spirited or an ADHD diagnosis waiting to happen, I don't want him labeled, I don't want to medicate him, What if it's autism?, Should I have picked something up earlier? That bitch how dare she say something like that, why did I send him?, I need to look at other schools, What if he's just playing up? What if he's not?

Then I cried, a lot, in fact I'm still crying as I'm truly at a loss of what to do.
Lucky I had a friend here who has been through this with her middle son who has just started high school and has a learning delay, but is functioning well. She had no advice but was most empathetic about how I was feeling.

My boy is perfection in my eyes, he's cheeky and full of life, he is well adjusted, rarely tantrums, is happy to play with others or alone, he eats like a horse, almost as an obsessive trait, is something wrong with my child?

We have a speech pathology appointment tomorrow to try and correct his lisp, which appears to be a laziness issue than a pathological one but I was pushed along as I was concerned if we didn't correct it before he starts school it could be a bigger issue.

I'm still teetering between angry, devastated, and denial but I have no way to sort these feeling out for the time being, I must NOT eat. I just want to build a fort and hide in it with my kids and tell them over and over that they are perfect and I love them, before the big bad world can take it away.

Edit:
Reporting in at 8pm,
My mood has settled, Master 4 went on a play date after kinder with his friend Mr O, When Mr O's Dad dropped him home I debriefed to him about what had happened, He was most reassuring telling me that even though English is his second language he had no drama understand Master 4.
Fingers crossed tomorrows appointment goes well, I've fine tuned my day to within an inch of my life, kicking off with gym at 6am!

Week 1 in review

Week one has ended well, After a rocky start we appear to be back on track. Finally able to organize myself and triumph over Saturday, Sunday and Monday which is normally when it all falls into a hole.

So how did I go with my goals this week?

Keep to calories, no sneaky treats and no additional extra's - I feel that I have done well with this challenge, I did go over calories but after being so tired and run down at the end of last round I decided that I would be eating back a quarter of my exercise calories if I was hungry, which I was on occasion. I did go over on a few days but all were 1000+ calorie days, my highest consumption day was Tuesday, sitting just over 1500, I think this was the day my appetite came back on with a vengeance as my meals were good but I ate lots of snacks. Between gym and the fitbit my total burn was 1231 for the day so I'm not to worried about it.
I know this isn't a popular practice with 12wbt but I was finding myself needing to nap with my daughter daily which clearly isn't viable long term. If it slows down my weight loss I'll wear it as for me personally I need to function and taking a 2 hour nap every day because I was constantly exhausted really isn't an option long term.

Run at least once, and time a 5k so I have something to work at improving - Done, Friday afternoon when I was trying to race the weather. Scary stuff but I'm pretty chuffed with my time :)

At least 2 days of exercise as per Mish's plans - I did 4 days as per her plans, Two toning days at gym, Outdoors program for Friday, and the SSS. Pretty happy, I'll continue to try for at least 3 of Mish's workouts per week!

I will focus on drinking water, no less than 8 cups - All but two days I drank over 9 cups of water.... Winning!

Sticking to the meal plans was at around 70%, lots of swapping about but ate good clean meals most of the time. I'm attempting to focus on improving my snacks as I tend to get carried away and eat the wrong things. Still pre-cooked for the weekend and Monday but unfortunately the kids have been less than enthusiastic about getting back into the meals. I'm hoping that will change with tonight's Korean style omelette, I'm really looking forward to it and I'm thinking the kids will like too. Fingers crossed!

Friday, started well

FFS Friday,
I was planning to miss today's as I had nothing to complain about....
The universe delivers....

Attempting zen, excuse the background chaos

D agreed that we could go to Sydney for finale... no FFS

Family was up and dressed by 8am no fights or drama... no FFS

After the quick fire gastro saga last week Miss 1 is now a raging snot monster.... FFS

Decided this morning we would all go to the park anyways rather than be stuck at home again... no FFS

Though windy everywhere else in Victoria the chosen venue was somehow calm and peaceful, even warm... no FFS

Met up with another mum, kids played nicely, no tears or arguments... no FFS

Other mum's mum came to collect kids... and deliver a skinny latte and a multitude of compliments... no FFS

Kids wrangled into car with minimal fuss.... no FFS

Decided to drive through MickyD's as a treat to children for good behavior... no FFS

Part of Master 4's selfie portfolio 

Realised I'd neglected to eat breakfast... FFS

Coffee was making my stomach rumble... FFS

Ordered Cheeseburger..... FFS!!!!

Arrived home, fed children, put Miss 1 to bed... no FFS

Attempted to do today's stretching video... no FFS

Master 4 decided he wanted in on the action.... no FFS

Video wouldn't play properly... FFS

Attempted to recitfy, no go.... FFS

Full blown tantrum as Master 4 wanted to do the "yogo".... FFS

Did the at home version instead.... no FFS


Master 4 lost interest and took about a gazillion selfies and some interesting pictures of mum attempting to get her zen flowing.... FFS

Miss 1, getting in on the yoga mat action 

Finished up, stood up, stomach churning head pounding... FFS

Guessing the cheeseburger didn't agree with me after being off the menu for 15 or so weeks... no FFS

Drank some water, went for a sneaky lay down.... no FFS

Miss 1 is awake... FFS

At least it's a nice day... no FFS

Sydney

Just sold D on attending Finale in Sydney...

Happy anniversary to us!

Small victories

Today I am in a world of pain, Smashed out my weights session last night while being in a REALLY bad mood worked a treat on my mood but my poor arms know all about today.

$31 of home delivered goodness (minus a few items)

I've gotten a little sad reading the forums today as people are posting fantastic losses after only days on the program, I remember last round and how I actually recorded my loss 500g higher as I couldn't quite believe I'd lost so much. Today I had a stay the same... how depressing. I'm assuming it due to fluid and my body still trying to get over the gastro bug, or my muscles retaining water.
For whatever reason I have the mantra in my head
"Stick with it and the numbers will show" running through my head.
Though to be honest it's not like I've followed the program the past 3 days, exercise smashed it but the meal plans, not so much. Been keeping to calories but my macro levels have been a little off. Today has been much better, finally was able to shop for the rest of week
*hello payday*
I also discovered a nearby fruit shop that gives free home delivery if you order of $30 worth of stuff. I ordered Friday and again today produce seems great and keeps me away from the supermarket mid-week for the fresh food re-stock.
All they need to do is add milk and bread to the store and I'd pretty much be able to shop monthly at the supermarket. Maybe I should email them? Perhaps they would swing by Coles on the way to my place for tomato sauce and cruskets as well... that'd be awesome!

Asking too much?

I'd plug them shamelessly and so make it worth there while!

e4

Closest I've been to hitting Macro goal in a long time

Yesterday, not so close 

So that leads me to this afternoon, Miss 1 discovered last night that she was able to propel herself out of the cot, then hurrah and clap herself, then climb back in and start all over again... at 1am till 3am.... the game did not amuse me as much as it did her. As a result she slept until 8:30 and was back in bed by 11am. She was just starting her nap when it dawned on me that I would need to go to the supermarket at some stage... now she's asleep... crap that means two kids... double crap!

So after picking Master 4 up from kinder we trundled down to the shops. It was fairly painless, minimal additional items bought, minimal yelling from me or destruction of shop fronts displays or specials boards but as

we were leaving I stopped to long in front of doughnut king with thoughts of a latte on my mind...


Master 4: "No mummy, lets have watermelon I don't want doughnuts"


*fist pump*


Now the important question, do I go to Body Attack or RPM tonight hmm?

Round 3... ready... set... go!

So today marks the first day of round 3,

I am starting off a little on the back foot this time as my entire house has been in the throws of a lovely gastro bug that has put a real dampener on starting this round. The idea of having anything to do with dairy today was enough to send me straight back to bed so I'm all ready off the rails! eekkkk :(

If I remember correctly this happened at about the 2-3 week mark of the last round and I survived, so I'm sure it will be fine, I did entertain the idea of going for a run or doing a DVD today but after about 2 minutes of 30 day shred I found my stomach in knots so guessing exercise is off the planner for me today
.

I though I would take this self imposed rest day to actually set some proper goals, last round I had some fairly airy fairy goals... I will lose weight, I will run without stopping etc etc...

Given I have the time, I'm taking the opportunity right now to set some real goals, even if they aren't exactly to 12wbt structure,
so here goes,

Week 1:
Keep to calories, no sneaky treats and no additional extra's
Run at least once, and time a 5k so I have something to work at improving
At least 2 days of exercise as per Mish's plans. Last round I was all about the classes and making it up as I went along this round I will do as I'm told, she is the expert, not me!
I will focus on drinking water, no less than 8 cups, aim for 10-12 :)

Week 2:
Fire Trail or 1000 steps, once again timed event so I can go back and do it again and improve
Any excuses, wagged workouts, slip up's in eating are to be blogged as confessionals, no more hiding behind quick added calories on MFP.
Master 4 will see the speech path this week do NOT eat your feelings!
Exercise every day

Week 3:
Have the cleanest of clean weeks,
Go to the doctor about the hypnotherapy referral (I am a smoker, and have finally decided to take the plunge, I was given the number for a tried and tested therapist and am keen to give it a go)
Water/ water/ water 12 cups a day... minimum

Week 4:
Change it up, do something different every day to 'normal' extra weights and swimming? Try a new class, figure it out and smash it.
Refocus of food goals (it was around week 5 in round 2 when I started to slack in the meal planning department)

Week 5:
Run 5k, smash that time
Run 10k just to prove that you can
Refocus on mealtimes, eat at the table, together with the family as much as possible

Week 6: 
Re-do Fire Trail or 1000 steps, make it better than before
Will have lost 5kg by this point

Week 7:
Have you been doing core days? Really?
Time to start looking at Pilates/ yoga classes

Week 8:
Decision time, do I keep my gym membership or not? Short term membership will expire at the beginning of November, get on it!

Week 9:
Food and meal planning re-focus, reflect on what's been going on
Re-run 5k (without stopping)
Run 10k,
Book in for Sydney finale,

Week 10:
Change it up, different exercises this week
Run 10k at least twice this week.

Week 11:
October 26 - Melbourne Stampede, I have procrastinated the hell out of this. Once I get my tax I will register and I will do it. 10k... with obstacles, on my hands and knees if I must.

Week 12:
Keep it clean,
Will have lost 10kg!
Reflect celebrate and enjoy

Also I have decided to reward myself for staying on track! 
Under 80kg - New tea pot and assorted black tea's
5kg lost - full body massage and facial
Under 75 - Book in for pamper session at finale
10kg lost - Surprise.... not sure what bit it'll be good maybe an expensive dress for finale???

FFS Friday

I'm jumping on the bandwagon for FFS Friday, a brainchild of the lovely Dear Baby G, I've been silently stalking theses posts for weeks so check it out,




What's been giving me the shits this week?  I'm glad you asked! 
This morning my darling Miss 1 slept in until 9am  - No FFS
When she finally awoke chattering away I went in to pick get and was assulted by the smell of vomit... lots of vomit... FFS

New hair = awesome

She's 1, how can she produce that much... FFS
Stuck her and Master 4 in the shower together and attempted to remove smell from her room, returned to find Master 4 washing her hair.... no FFS
Pity he was using body wash... FFS 
She wasn't worried so I supervised procedure while drinking my cup of coffee while it was still hot.. No FFS 
Vomit smell effectively removed from child... No FFS
Nap time will be a different story as Mr Z the pillowpet will still be in the wash... FFS 
Work has been sucking ass, because I'm a sucker, agreed to work both Saturday and Sunday... FFS

Post Zumba double hair = FFS

At least it's with penalty rates... No FFS
Last week decided to cut my hair off ... no FFS
Didn't take into account that I would actually need to style it... FFS
Or that post exercising makes me look kind of like a porn star... FFS When doing said exercise product from attempted styling liquefies and runs down your neck... Say it with me EEWWW and.... FFS 
Been well on track this week with my eating/ organizing/ exercising... no FFS
Pity it's between rounds of 12wbt... FFS
At least we wont starve over the weekend as I have enough food prepped to keep us going for at least a week... No FFS
Means that D's Daddy day care will have one less thing to stress over... No FFS Kids have been really quiet while I've been blogging... No FFS Better make sure they haven't destroyed anything.... FFS

Recap Round 2

Unfortunately I have been unable to do my time trial so my official ending time for 12wbt remains at 6 minutes. With round 3 set to kick off Monday week I will get it done again before then as a baseline.

I am slightly disappointed with my overall kg loss over the round, I was expecting to smash 10kg to the curb and dance triumphantly at the scales moving below 80 before the rounds completion but alas it wasn't to be. I've done so thinking and some grumbling and come up with this,
It was my first round, my learning round where I got used to meal plans and time management and pre-cooking, second guessing and dealing with family and staying in control (even if it was damage control)
My second round will be the results round.
I have learnt so much this round about portion sizes and feeling satisfied, also about what has become habit and what is part of real life. If I could switch the light in my head to on or off this would be easy but alas it isn't so. I still need to live and enjoy life and sometimes that means scones with jam, pasta and takeaway latte's and sometimes fit into my day, other times not that's why they are for SOMETIMES....
I will also commit to the exercise plan this round. Last round I did exercise doing classes, occasional strength, almost no flexibility 9/12 SSS's were completed so it wasn't a total loss, Round 3 however I will pick a program and smash it and follow the actual guide instead of just burning 500 calories a day. I needed to do it that way last round to get into the swing of meal planning, I honestly believe that if I had attempted to do both the whole 12wbt would have landed in the too hard basket.

D and I decided on Sunday night we would have takeaway to celebrate the end of round 2.... after scouring menu's, old fav's and places we used to frequent.

Taco Bill? Cheesy laden burrito or nacho's (we can make better, tasty and lower calories) Menu discarded
Indian? Lot's of cream, lots of fat.... can we get garlic naan and make our own curry.... Menu discarded
Fish and Chips.... no discussion, menu discarded
Pizza?... tempting, thin base and extra veg.... delivery time.... 1 hour.... too hard
McD's, KFC, Red rooster... pfft

All to hard, So we had omelettes,

Pre 12wbt we would not have even contemplated not getting take-away, we would have driven to KFC as a last resort, eaten too much, felt crap and unsatisfied but done it all over again when we couldn't be bothered. Previously as soon as we decided to take away that was it, if only our devotion to a planned meal ran so deep.
Surprisingly after 12 weeks, this appears to have changed, and I'm quietly impressed by it.
As a family unit our attitude towards food and eating has improved 100 fold, I still allow the kids treat meals and occasional foods. As a whole they are eating a bigger variety and are far more involved in preparation and planning. I'm hoping that this round will continue that trend.
Master 4 is still fussy and now that Miss 1 is starting to notice a whole new set of issues may be about to unfold.
It's all good though, I have the tools and the motivation to be a better role model and lead by example.
I also hope to wave the obese category behind this round.
Maybe even start buying clothes from the rack,
Build some muscle and be a kick ass mum.
Watch this space, change is still happening

Almost finished

master 4 the masterchef 

Round 2 is coming to a close,
things have been pretty insane around here but I will do a full rundown after I finish my fitness test.

Proud to report however I am 7.1kg down for the round, and 35.5 cm

Could have been more but yesterday I had lunch at the kinder restaurant,
I ate pumpkin soup, garlic butter, homemade pasta and a half a yoyo all lovingly prepped by Master 4's kinder group.

My jelly was in front of me for about 10 seconds before it was eaten by master 4....

I ate too much but I regret nothing!

Our menu eat your hearts out cause it was yummy! 

Day's like yesterday made me realize I will never make a good kinder teacher, but I sure as hell thought they were cute as buttons doing the chef, waiter, server, bartender roles but trying to keep fifteen 4 to 6 year olds on task for 2 hours would leave me in a blubbering mess.... not to mention my brain probability would have exploded

Both kids are also sick with colds, so getting them to eat anything has been an adventure, they are both living off yogurt and fruit muffins and once they are well again I will start dishing them up the 12wbt meals hopefully they will get on the bandwagon with minimal fuss and continue to show me that this program can work for families.

Master 4's drawing of me and him, and trying to write his name! and the little present we got when we arrived 

Shopping Adventures

Monday this week was the last day of my leave from work so in true form decided to live it up and go shopping. Due to being a lot on the poor side that meant op-shop crawl in the 4 hours while kids were at child care. Now I have refrained from buying anything under an 18 for the past 6 years, every so often I'd take a chance on a stray XL but vary rarely, most of my wardrobe is from kmart or millers.
I've recently been utilizing Facebook buy swap and sell groups for bargains and have hit onto a few winners as my weight has been coming off, I've stuck to familiar brands and done well most of the time. Now I am in a whole new world, my size 16 jeans are starting to go a little loose... my size 16 tops looking like hessian sacks.
So in my excitement I went on he hunt for size 14 tops, jeans and shoes.....

Total Tally $21.95
3 short sleeved casual tops
2 long sleeved tops for wearing with leggings
1 size 14 workout jacket,
1 size 14 jeans....

Now when I got home and looked a little closer.... I noticed the tag
Tummy trimmer... high rise (that's good right no muffin top?)
Slim..... (shit I have rounded thighs, I hold my weight in my thighs and my belly...)

As you can imagine, they did not fit
Was I disappointed? Admittedly a little but not like the old me who would have eaten to feel better, I went to the gym and smashed out a session instead, then put the jeans onto the top shelf of my wardrobe.... to forget about them...
But they kept calling my name... making me glace at them every time I went in
Michelle... try me on... I might fit... you never know... maybe you didn't pull them up far enough?

Today, after thinking about it, I've decided to borrow Kate's operation yellow dress idea (http://cocogirlbutter.blogspot.com.au/p/operation-yellow-dress_20.html)

I'll take photo's every few weeks, and next time I'll measure how far up my thighs they can go,
So excuse the partial nudity but at least you will understand the mammoth task at hand for the 'tummy trimming' feature of said jeans.

This was as far as I could get them up my thighs :(

I've always been a bootcut, boyfriend, flairs kind of jeans person.
Always a size 14 or above to boot.

Also as a side note.... I'm no expert but they look pretty small for 14's...
Given I also picked up 2 pairs of 16 from a friend this week and they are both pretty loose I'm sure these are actually size 10's that have been mislabeled...
.
.
.
Surely,

o_0